There, there, my dear. Relax. Before you throw yourself a full-on pity party, just breathe. If you’re like me, you’ve been single for quite some time and after enough failed dates and “situationships” gone wrong, you begin to point the finger at yourself. Sometimes it is you and other times it’s not. Some people live with the tainted mentality of, “It’s not me, it’s them” and although that can be the case at times, it certainly won’t ring true for every case.

Being single sucks after enough time has passed but your singleness was no accident. Take the time to fall in love with yourself again or for the first time. If you don’t love you, no one else can and even if they try to love you, you’ll reject their efforts because you’ll be too broken to realize that you deserve that love and adulation. You deserve well-thought out dates, gifts for no reasons, forehead kisses and corny poetry texts. Furthermore, this goes for my women and my men.

It is not only a man’s job to wow his mate; a woman has a responsibility to do the same.

Women we are beautiful inside and out but it’s that inner beauty, that intellect, that thoughtfulness that will separate you from the masses. Don’t expect a man and or woman (no judgement) to “Birkin Bag You” when you won’t even gift him a haircut.

Moving on, I think this generation doesn’t use singleness in a healthy way. I’ve been single for years and each year has been a different journey imbued in lessons learned, failed situations, caught feelings and eventually a tiredness at the thought of starting over with someone new. However, I can’t give up on love but while I am single I’m determined to become the best version of myself, thus when the right one comes along I’m open to the opportunity instead of pessimistic to the thought out of a fear of my past.

If I let my past relationships dictate my future endeavors, I’ll never find that love that I so desire, and neither will you. Yes, you’re single. No, it’s not the end of the world. But ask yourself the following:

• Am I ready to be selfless?
• Is my heart open?
• Am I ready to put myself out there again?
• Am I completely self-sufficient?
• Am I forgiving?

If you haven’t answered yes to those five questions, you should wait to date – in my opinion, of course. The last question, “Am I forgiving,” is an imperative attribute because if you’re not forgiving you’ll have a short fuse and the littlest thing that, that person does wrong will cause you to flee or make up an excuse for why you can’t date them anymore.

If you want somebody to be patient with you, then you must be patient with them.

Oh, and if you can’t take what you dish out – you should continue to stay single. If you think you can be flippant and rude, but they can’t – stay single. If you think you can date multiple people, but they can’t – stay single. If you think you can keep shoveling up old s**t, but they can’t – stay single. If you haven’t learned how to trust people – stay single. If you’re looking for the same love that you had with your ex in your new boo – stay single. If you still have baby mama and baby daddy drama – stay single. If you don’t fully love yourself yet – stay single.

Being single means that you are idle. Don’t just wallow in the time spent being single but use that time to become the best version of you. Take this time to enjoy your idleness and when you are ready, put yourself out there and remember that you deserve a healthy, loving, rewarding, growth-filled relationship.