Stop Looking for Love When You Don’t Yet Love Yourself

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It’s hard to love a person who doesn’t love themselves. Believing that finding someone to love will teach you how to love is a widely accepted notion but it holds no truth. When you don’t love you, no one else can and even if they try to love you, you’ll push them away, find flaws in them, cuddle with your excuses etc. Falling in love with yourself should be a slow and gracious process. It’s not something to be taken lightly. As you evolve and or devolve, you have to find a way to love yourself through it all, to love yourself through your mistakes, through your self-induced pain, through your family turbulence, through your failures, through your victories. 

Hoping that someone will come along and fill the loveless gaps within your spirit is not only ludicrous but essentially counterproductive. 

Why do you want to be loved? It seems like a rather redundant question, but really think about it. 

Why do you want to be loved? Is it for companionship? Is it because you fear loneliness? Is it because you like the idea of love? Many of us have fallen in love with the idea of love, instead of its reality. We believe love looks like wedding photos and date nights, baby goals and frequent traveling but its much deeper than that. Love is about the aligning of souls, its about finding a life partner. Your love looks like what you want it to and it looks like none other.

Love is an idosyncratic mural between self and self and in time between others but it starts with self.

Learning to love yourself is simply enjoying your own company, smiling at your little wins, loving on your love handles, praising yourself daily, celebrating your growth, abandoning insecurities etc. but without that foundational self-love you shouldn’t be in search of companionship. Stop looking for someone to love you through pain that you caused. Stop looking for someone to love you because your bored. Stop looking for someone to love you out of a need to fill a void. Stop looking for someone to love you because you never witnessed a healthy loving relationship. Stop looking for someone to love you when you don’t yet love your own reflection.

One more time for those in the back.

Stop looking for someone to love you when you don’t yet love your own reflection.

It’s going to be so hard for someone to come along and love you when have no fundamental understanding of what love is. Would you want an eye doctor to perform your heart surgery? No. Take a moment and reflect on why your single in the first place and be honest with yourself. Self-honesty and self-love are dependent upon one another.

Spend time falling in love with you and then, and only then are you ready to be loved.


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