Skipping the Foundation of Friendship is Ruining Modern Relationships

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Being a blogger can be overwhelmingly personal. An article like this one is written from experience but, I felt the need to state my truth and possibly aid others in reconstructing their relational chronology in the process.

Building a friendship with your partner is imperative. The first step in any relationship should always be friendship. Are there people that have married one-night-stands? Yes. Are there people that have had sex on the first date and still went on to have a lasting and fulfilling relationship? Yes. However, at some point in time they still had to develop a friendship, a bond, an ability to laugh with and at one another. At some point they still had to delve into each other’s past, learn to love each other’s imperfections and get to know each other past the physical realm of connectivity.

During the friendship phase you really get to a know a person, their interests, their likes and dislikes, their passions, their outlook on life, their favorite color and favorite television shows. You get to peer inside their day to day lives as you chat through out the day or talk on the phone all night. You really get a chance to know the person that you eventually plan on being exclusive with, having sex with, creating memories with etc.

However, let’s be honest, this generation is having sex first and asking pertinent questions later, if at all. We’re not building friendships, we’re allowing lust to control the narrative. I’ve let lust control the narrative before and it never ends well but, it does end because I end it. Allowing someone to take your flesh while leaving your mental, emotional and spiritual being untouched is a direct reflection of your self-worth.

One more time for those in the back.

Allowing someone to take your flesh while leaving your mental, emotional and spiritual being untouched is a direct reflection of your self-worth.

To my women, “You can bring more than what lies between your legs to the table.”

To my men, “You too can bring more that what lies between your legs to the table.”

Sex is natural but, so is friendship. 

Why are we so willing to lay down with people that we know absolutely nothing about? Why are we hopping into “situationships” over relationships? Why are we Netflixing and chilling instead of creating memories outside of living room walls? (Please don’t blame it on the pandemic. The pandemic gifts people an opportunity to get creative with dates not lazy with them.) Why are we creating physical attachments before mental and spiritual introductions? 

One more time for those in the back.

Why are we creating physical attachments before mental and spiritual introductions? 

You’ll let someone between your legs before you let them between your ears. Can I preach for a second?

One more time for those in the back.

You’ll let someone between your legs before you let them between your ears. 

That should have struck a nerve for some of you. In my opinion, if your lover isn’t your best friend, your doing it wrong. Stop doing it wrong. Create a new series of steps for getting into relationships.

Step 1: Build a friendship.

You can make up the rest of the steps but that needs to inevitably be step one. You deserve a lover who partners as a best friend. You deserve laughter and excitement over, “What are we doings,” and “Can we go on a real date?” You deserve predictability over uncertainties.

It takes years to get to know a person and you still will never fully know a person but working diligently to build that friendship will only strengthen your eventual relationship. Stop shacking up with people out of a fear of being alone. Stop growing attached to people over half-watched Netflix series. Stop thinking you found a friend in the bedroom, you didn’t. Solid relationships are built on a strong foundation of friendship, openness, honesty and clarity.  Stop living in the shadows and expecting sunshine. When you do things out of order the results are always subpar.

Be friends first, it’s simple.


If you found this article helpful, insightful or just plain old necessary please share and repost – it’s free and I’d gladly appreciate it. Thank you in advance.

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