Sometimes when a relationship, situationship, friendship etc. doesn’t work out, we only recall the bad that came from that experience. But that perspective not only limits your scope, it also causes you to miss a rather large point.

People can enter your life to show you what you don’t want. We expect people to show us what we desire but trust me, knowing what you don’t want can be just as valuable as knowing what you do want. For example, if you know that you don’t like being cheated on, that means that you would like someone who is monogamous, trustworthy and morally upright. It shouldn’t take you getting cheated on to realize that but, you catch my drift.

But if you didn’t, here’s another example: let’s say you decided to start dating older men because you believed that they would be more mature but instead, you ended up dating a series of immature older men. What can we take away from that? That all older men are still childish? No. That older doesn’t mean that they are wiser and more grounded? No, but maybe.

What you can take away from this is that you don’t want someone who is immature.

Their age doesn’t matter, you don’t want to raise a man – that’s the moral of that experience so in learning what you don’t want on top of defying an age-old myth of “older-men-being-more-mature”, you learned that you are mature and you want someone who matches that energy – simple.

That said, it can be exhausting to keep experiencing people who simply show you what you don’t want but are never capable of showing you what you do want. But that’s on you! Okay? Let’s take some accountability. People aren’t good at hiding who they are. They show you who they are from the beginning and you believe that you can change them over time with your goodwill, your cooking skills and wifely demeanor but au contraire. And for my men, don’t feel left out, this applies to you as well. There are just as many ain’t s*** women out here as there are ain’t s*** men. Yeah, I said it.

In closing, learn from your experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly. You got this!

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